HOMEY

A favorite sitcom of mine from the 1990s was called, “In Living Color.” Award winning actor, Damon Wayans, played the part of ‘Homey D. Clown.’ Homey’s real name was, Herman Simpson. According to an article written about the show’s history, Herman was an ex-con who’d taken on the job as a disgruntled clown after being released from prison.

After doing his time, Homey still held resentment to ‘the man’ and conveyed such to his young followers by constantly telling them he’d been framed. Whenever he didn’t agree with the kids, he’d slap them upside the head with a sock containing a tennis ball, while loudly proclaiming, “I don’t think so. Homey don’t play that!”

Homey D. Clown’s fans were dressed as children in various skits—although they too were adult actors. Getting hit by his sock never seriously hurt anyone but did get their attention. Back then, some parents voiced disapproval for the comedy, claiming it projected violent and negative behavior.

I use Homey’s famous line on occasion especially when driving. If I’m going five miles per hour over the speed limit, and someone’s on my bumper expecting me to go faster, I’ll mutter to myself, “I don’t think so. Homey don’t play that!”  At that point, if they still remain glued to my tail, the song, “Slow Ride” by Foghat comes to mind, because that’s what I’m about to do.

I use the saying in other areas as well—especially selling stuff. Over the years, I’ve sold all kinds of things such as bicycles, motorcycles, cars, trucks, household goods, etc. For the most part all of my transactions have been trouble free. I’ve met some nice people along the way with the majority of them being upfront and considerate. Those saying they’d meet me at a certain predetermined place and time generally followed through. Unfortunately, rudeness has entered the selling arena these past 10 years for reasons unknown.

I’ve had folks email and ask me to hold something for a day or two and then never hear back from them. A woman wanted me to meet her at a safe spot of her choosing and didn’t show up. Others have voiced their opinion, saying I was asking way too much for an item without ever viewing it. That’s like telling me Sara Lee’s chocolate pie tastes crummy without actually eating a piece.

One fellow from Chicago made a deal over the phone on an RV, and when he arrived, tried to knock the price down even further, telling me there was another motorhome like it in California for less. The thought, “I don’t think so. Homey don’t play that!,” automatically entered my mind during this conversation. When I told him he better start driving as it’d be dark soon, the guy grudgingly coughed up the cash.

The straw that broke the camel’s back for me where selling is concerned, was here recently, when a man wanted to meet at a popular box store and pick up a pair of Chevrolet truck bumpers that I was peddling on Facebook marketplace. The arranged day was Tuesday at 10:00 a.m. and I was there 15 minutes early, waiting until 10:30 before leaving. Gut feeling told me that would happen. I tried calling his phone several times with it not accepting messages.

Going against my policy of no email or text communication, once I got home I wrote and thanked him for wasting my time. The guy replied back saying that the pickup day was supposed to be Thursday. My wife heard our first conversation as it was on speaker, and remembered me verbally going over things with him twice , before penciling Tuesday into our appointment calendar. Never again will that happen.

I’ve now totally changed the way I sell goods, by putting a phone number on my listings, politely telling those looking that I don’t respond to texts or e-mails, and going on to say if they’re interested, please call me. You’d be surprised at how many still send e-mails. They’ll have to stop by my house for pickup, because unlike Domino’s, I no longer deliver.

Maybe I’m getting old and senile, because if patience was ever one of my virtues, it isn’t now. Time spent dealing with difficult people over the years has taken a toll. I don’t go as far as Homey D. Clown does while encountering ‘situations’ as he likes to call them.

I’ve yet to retaliate by carrying around a sock with a tennis ball inside, although that’s not a bad idea. In this era of guns and knives being used to solve disagreements, perhaps Homey’s attention getter isn’t so violent after all!