Trying to remember complicated English rules for grammar is getting to be more difficult as the years slide by. English composition is considered the hardest to write because of so many complex rules. Add to this, advanced age with a pinch of male senility, and it becomes a toxic recipe for incessant typos.
With several books on grammar in my library to go by, stopping in midsentence to research what’s right and what’s wrong slowed me down considerably. I constantly needed help until eventually finding some.
Not long ago, I subscribed to an artificial intelligence (AI) program that helps catch the smallest mistakes. All I have to do is copy and paste my work into this site and it does the rest. The program is called Grammarly, but I named it Miss Purdy, after a character from the Jerry Lewis movie, “The Nutty Professor.” Miss Purdy in this film is played by lovely actress, Stella Stevens.
Along the way, Miss Purdy has attempted to change my literary voice to match hers. If I strictly followed Purdy’s suggestions I’d be sounding more like “R2D2’ than anything. For “Star Wars” fans, they’ll recognize that alphanumeric name as the likable robots.
What I like most about Miss Purdy is that she helps me with semicolons, comma placement, apostrophes, capitalization, verbs, nouns, conjunctions, discombobulation, and archaic sentence structure. It’s like having my own English teacher or tutor sitting beside me. The cost is minimal and well worth the price. All I have to do is “Charge it!” and her services are mine.
I pick and choose what changes I’ll accept which allows my voice to still come through, if ya know what I mean. For information’s sake, after running this article through her program, Miss Purdy sniffed out “ya” like a trained hound dog. My fictional tutor instinctively recommended that I change it to you. I didn’t.
For several years now, me and Miss Purdy have rendezvoused privately in my office or on the road while traveling. Songwriter and singer, Billy Paul, had a similar affair, with his 1972 tune titled, “Me and Mrs. Jones.” In Billy Paul’s song, two immoral souls meet each morning in of all places, a café. Hopefully, they order the chicken fried steak, scrambled eggs, and hashbrowns, because I hear it can’t be beat.
A tune about my plutonic relationship would be much different than Billy’s.
“Me and Miss Purdy.
Got a thang goin’ on.
I type out my words.
She points out those wrong.”
They say artificial intelligence can write complete sentences, paragraphs, and even articles with some initial direction and guidance. I’m sure Miss Purdy could do that for me but I’ve never asked her to.
When the day arrives that my submissions are totally error-free, with no slang tossed in for added effect, you’ll know that AI completely took over. My wife hopes there’ll come a time when little Miss Purdy’s smart enough to clean the house and cook.
With the speed at which AI technology progresses, that might be closer than she thinks.
I like to write junk... 