CLIP or CLIK?

I know I’m not the only older person having a hard time shopping for groceries these days. I’m not talking physical difficulty here, as in not being able to walk. The problem I have is figuring out the “hocus pocus” advertisements some stores in town cleverly use.

For several years, I’d pick up an item when it was on sale, only to have a cashier charge me the regular price. Each time that happened, I’d be told it required a digital coupon. Walking back to the aisle where I got this product, sure enough, there, in tiny print that even a young person with 20-20 vision couldn’t see, were the words, “Digital Coupon.”

When I first inquired about where I could get digital coupons, of course, I was told that a smartphone was needed, which I didn’t have and didn’t want. Realizing that I was losing money, with most retired people like me trying their hardest to squeeze every cent they can, I eventually gave in and bought an iPhone just to use at grocery stores.

That worked for a while, but now sly store managers have figured out a way to further confuse us older citizens. They’ll advertise something, with cleverly placed nomenclature mentioning that you have to buy so many to get the lower price. Sometimes that number can be 10. Who needs 10 packs of shredded Mexican cheese?

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been scammed with this trick. Once in line, and finding that the price isn’t what it’s supposed to be, I don’t want to stop my progress and return the item. Some energetic folks do, and I suppose that’s why so many unpurchased things are left at the self-checkout. There’s generally a basket at the exit full of such stuff.

I wouldn’t doubt that somewhere in these stores, blue-collar workers watch via security cameras old people making mistake after mistake with purchases and getting a big kick out of seeing it. On New Year’s Eve, when the company hosts an employee party, the top 10 blunders are presented as entertainment for a howling audience.

The latest bit of trickery involves something called Clip or Clik. These two words look amazingly alike, and for some of the BenGay-and-Geritol crowd, this can be totally confusing. I can’t say both words in rapid succession without stumbling over them.

Grocery store advertisements have become so technical in language that perhaps an attorney should be retained to review items before purchase. I could’ve used one today.

Purchasing a gallon of milk for the anticipated sale price of $3.99, the cashier charged me the regular price. It turns out I had exceeded my quota here because I’d bought a jug two days earlier. This was something new to me. The employee then showed me the advertisement, and in fine print it read: “Limit 1.” The store computer, using my phone number, had snitched on me.

“Boy howdy!,” I said to her, with the young clerk looking puzzled, most likely hearing this statement for the first time. For some reason, that made me smile. It was good to see that I wasn’t the only person in the grocery store confused that day.