“Avon calling!”

When I knock on a friend’s door and they ask,

“Who’s there?”

I’ll try to disguise my voice before replying,

“Avon calling!”

My brother and I have been pulling this lame joke forever. The saying goes back to the day when Avon used that famous line in television commercials.  I never do such at a stranger’s door for obvious reason. It could get a fellow shot!

One thing I tease my wife about is all the money she spends on expensive perfume.  When I say expensive perfume I’m not talking about the stuff made in Paris.  Joleen uses Avon and probably goes through one bottle a year.

I haven’t a clue to price, but with her being frugal in spending I’m sure the stuff is reasonable.  I remember the Avon lady stopping at our place as kids.

Mom would be in a tizzy when she dropped in because our living room was always a mess. Mothers having boys know what I mean.

This sales lady would carry in a huge book with the entire cosmetic line in it.  Early on I began using Avon deodorant.  It must do its job because no one’s ever complained.

For the past several years I’ve purchased Avon Ironman deodorant. I’m not sure why they call it that other than the name sounds cool. If anyone should ask if I compete in triathlons, I’d honestly have to tell them,

“No, but I use the deodorant!”

A few months ago I ran out of the stuff.  Quickly, I hit a local Walgreen’s store and picked up Mennen Sport.  I figured an odor protectant with sport on it was what I needed. The name said a lot.

Putting some on, something didn’t feel right.  From the moment the deodorant hit my skin it wouldn’t let go.  Showering the next morning I felt as if melted wax or tree sap had been sprayed under my armpits.

The sticky deodorant attempted to set up permanent residency on my body.  It took two showers to finally remove the last clinging bit.

I still have that worthless deodorant in my medicine cabinet, thinking I’ll eventually need it for something. Recently I saw Mennen Sport had been discontinued. What does that tell you?

One thing that really puzzles me is how athletes like baseball pitchers or football quarterbacks were able to wear it.  You’d think their arm motion would’ve been hindered?

I was never so glad when the Avon lady dropped off my Ironman.  Thankfully she called beforehand. I had just wheeled a bicycle back into the garage.

Before she arrived I had my ancient Cannondale mountain bike tore apart on our living room floor. The chain needed cleaning and lubed.

For a brief second I thought about slapping Mennen Sport on the links as an experiment. The waxy chain oil I use doesn’t bind to metal for very long. I nixed the idea deciding it wouldn’t be wise.

If Mennen Sport was so good at hindering arm movement, I figured it would do the same to a bicycle chain!  

Author: michaeldexterhankins

ordinary average guy

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