Hasta La Vista Baby

“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!”

"Don't let the door hit you on the way out!"
Yummy chicken pot pie

For me, bidding farewell to family and friends can be tough, even if it’s for short periods of time. The same can be said about leaving mouthwatering cuisine behind.

Mom had a saying about certain foods. Generally it dealt with breakfast items. A good example being,

“Oatmeal will stick to your ribs!”

I took that remark quite literally in my early years; easily assuming that’s where oatmeal ended up. Some other rib sticking items on her list were hot cereals such as wheat germ and puffed rice.

Mother also had a list of comfort foods. Those included grits, eggs, bacon, biscuits & gravy, mashed potatoes and gravy, fried chicken, and chicken pot pie. Mama Haynes taught her daughter (my mother) how to make the best chicken pot pie hands down.

Now that I’ve put on a few extra pounds, comfort foods take on an entirely different meaning. In an effort to shed a few ounces, my list of essential food items has shrunk.

Cookies definitely stick to the ribs along with other places. Our Albertson’s grocery store makes the best cranberry and walnut cookies. They come in a box of 8 and are labeled, “Gourmet’. Price of them is considerably higher than regular cookies I suppose because of the fancy title.

When I wheel through a checkout stand with a box of “Gourmet” cookies, I know the checker realizes this fellow understands quality. At 250 calories per cookie I cut one in half to lessen any rib sticking. The first half is downed with a glass of 1% milk. I then wait at least 30 minutes before consuming the other. With sadness I now have to bid them,

“Goodbye”.

Pizza is a big rib sticker. I generally ordered thin crust. The word ‘thin’ is a key ingredient because it means fewer fat calories. Hawaiian is my favorite with round slabs of Canadian bacon, a truckload of mozzarella, plus gobs of pineapple. I’d come to the conclusion that Hawaiian is the healthiest pizza to eat because of the sweet fruit. A nutritionist told me different. Hearing such, I had to inform my 16 inch pal,

“Too-da-loo!”

Other comfort foods on my list include burritos, tacos, and enchiladas. I try to avoid sour cream, substituting salsa instead. My wife claims salsa is healthy to eat all by itself. Not wanting it to be lonely, I always added a bowl of chips to the salsa for company. Not anymore.

“Adios!”, my crispy friends.

Someday I hope to be reunited with those departed comfort foods. They’ll always be welcome in my house for others to enjoy, even if I don’t partake of them.

The other day my wife brought home a new item from a drive-thru Chinese restaurant. They’re called ‘pot stickers’. I wasn’t sure what they were until looking the word up. Pot stickers are basically bread dough fried in a pan. They have different ingredients inside but pork is the most common meat.

I’m not sure if pot stickers would be considered rib sticking or comfort food? The Chinese don’t use such labels. I asked my wife what’s with the pot sticker name. She didn’t have a clue.

I downed near the whole box. There were only four left. Late that evening I was bound up tighter than an overly twisted rubber band. Hours later, after my intestinal pain subsided, a light came on.

I knew exactly why the Chinese named them that.

Before tossing all remaining pot stickers in the trash I sternly warned them,

“Hasta la vista my little fiends. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!”

"Don't let the door hit you on the way out!"

Author: michaeldexterhankins

ordinary average guy

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