ASK JIM

Because he’s no longer able to work, Jim Witherspoon turned to the internet for assistance.

Jim Witherspoon is an unemployed rotary telephone repairman living in El Dorado, Kansas. An attempt at opening a convenience store in another town set him back financially, as well as physically. Because he’s no longer able to work, Jim turned to the internet for assistance.

Witherspoon discovered opinions galore. He had advice coming in from all walks of life. A farmer in Beijing, China recommended that Jim move to another country where rotary phones are still in use. That was an impossibility at this time.

Dot Mathers told Jim he should consider plastics as that’s where the world was headed. She urged him to purchase stock in her company, Plastics Unlimited. Jim deemed that offer as suspicious.

A tip that Jim thought highly of came from a fellow in Juarez, Mexico. Kim Sing told him that a person could make millions from home as an internet advice expert. For $99.00 he’d send out instructions on how to organize such a company.

Realizing that he couldn’t move from El Dorado just yet, Witherspoon coughed up the funds and mailed them off. He’s thankful that he did! Today, Jim operates a successful internet business called, “Ask Jim”. The small, one-employee company pays big dividends.

For a modest fee of $5.00, Ask Jim will give advice in all areas of life. He hands out financial advice, medical, interpersonal relationship, corporate, religious, and his specialty, legal. Jim Witherspoon pretty much covers all bases. Mr. Witherspoon will never refuse to give advice if money is sent.

Enclosed are some actual questions along with Jim’s replies:

Peggy Rainwater of Clearwater, Florida writes“I’ve been going with a fellow for two years but don’t know how to tell him it’s over. He’s a real sweet guy and I hate to break his heart. What would you suggest?”

Ask Jim“That’s a good question Peggy. Wish I had an easy answer. I suppose the simplest way is wait until he’s not home. Leave a message on the man’s telephone recorder or better yet text him. If you don’t mind could you please send me your picture?”

Bobbie Valhi of Pascagoula, Mississippi writes “Is there a proper way to ask my boss for a raise?”

Ask Jim“Do so in a threatening manner. Tell the person unless he coughs up more money you’ll begin a work slowdown. I’ve heard folks say that either works or it doesn’t. Let me know the results.”

Chance Smith of Baker, Utah writes“I have a serious medical condition and friends say I should seek a homeopathic doctor. Do you agree with them?”

Ask Jim“Homeopathic doctors are much like voodoo doctors. Personally I wouldn’t go that route, yet I see no reason why you can’t. Just make sure you have all your personal things in order!”

Howie Keller of Ruby, Texas writes“My car shakes like crazy whenever I hit 65. It feels like a wheel’s about to fall off. Any ideas on what could be wrong?”

Ask Jim“I’m no mechanic Howie. My suggestion is slow down. You’ll get much better fuel mileage. If a wheel hasn’t fallen off by now it probably won’t.”

Veronica Jacobs of Arlington, Virginia writes“I have ten-thousand-dollars that I’d like to invest. What do you recommend?”

Ask Jim“Excellent question Veronica – Ask Jim LLC is the safest place to put your money. I promise returns better than any on Wall Street. You’ll find an address to mail your check on my website.”

Peggy Lipton of Grover, New York writes“I’m not sure who to vote for in the next presidential election. What candidate do you prefer?”

Ask Jim“Peggy, I generally don’t make political recommendations, but since you paid $5.00 I’ll make an exception. A friend says to always vote for the tallest candidate and you won’t go wrong. I’d recommend you follow suit.”

Harley Downs of Tupelo, Mississippi writes – “I’m thinking about taking an out of country vacation. Do you have any countries to recommend?”

Ask Jim“Personally I’ve never been on vacation and at this point probably never will. If I had to pick a country, Persia sounds great. I hear extradition from there is non-existent.”

If you’d like to know how to become financially independent like Jim by owning your own IAC (internet advice company), send a check for $99.99 along with a stamped, self-addressed envelope to:

Jim Witherspoon

C/O El Dorado Correctional Facility

P.O. Box 311

El Dorado, Kansas 67042

El Dorado, Kansas

Author: michaeldexterhankins

ordinary average guy

One thought on “ASK JIM”

  1. I live the subtlety of this:
    “An attempt at opening a convenience store in another town set him back financially, as well as physically.”

    Pretty funny. Thanks for the good story!

    – Gregory Newton (another guy from Anchorage) 🙂

    Like

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