“YOU’VE COME A LONG WAY, BATEY”

“I’m Bill Batey and I approve of this message!”

I’ve been reading about all this here controversy regarding masks. Can’t tell you one way or the other how I feel about such? Some claim it’s a “freedom” or “constitutional” issue. I can side with them or disagree as well. Does it really matter at this point?

Several weeks ago I decided to break my chains and grab a handful of disobedient freedom that folks speak so highly of.

“Go for the gusto!” as they say in Milwaukee.

I love to speed. Always have and always will! Signs, cops, and fines have been the main reasons I don’t. One Saturday morning on the way to Wal-Mart I decided to flex my truck’s muscles a bit. We’re talking 250 horses here.

“Let’r rip potato chip,” a deceased friend of mine always said.

Took the old Ford up to 85 in a 45. It felt good!

Pulling in to Wally World an hour later, I noticed a vacant spot right by the front door. Ignoring a large red and black NO PARKING sign, I wheeled on in.

Folks near the entry were putting on masks. I totally ignored that sign including another informing customers of NO SMOKING. With a lit match in my shaky hand, I fired off a big fat stogie. Smoking and shopping go together like Chevrolet, America, and homemade apple pie!

I quickly found the items I needed, and before checking out, decided to take a whiz first. Sign at the restroom door said NO MERCHANDISE PAST THIS POINT. Heck, that didn’t pertain to me. Not on this day of total freedom it didn’t!

A sign above the sink made mention of employees having to wash hands before leaving restroom. That didn’t stop this old gopher from walking out beforehand.

After paying for my goods, I rolled them to the pickup and loaded up. On the way I observed another sign asking customers to please return carts to cart racks.

“No way Jose!”

Slowly driving away, I watched that cart slowly disappear in my rear view mirror. It resembled a shimmering chrome basket in a sea of black asphalt. I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Freedom!,” I mumbled to myself. That’s what my solitary Saturday morning protest was all about.

The speeding ticket cost $300.00, plus I now have to attend defensive driving school. Wal-Mart dropped all charges as long as I stay out of their store. Unfortunately, city ordinances regarding smoking in public places couldn’t be waved. That’ll set me back $2000.00.

As far as masks go, all employees and guests in the hospital sport one. I suppose when or if I ever crawl out from under this ventilator, I’ll be instructed to wear a facial covering. Bandannas might not be so constraining. Cowboys wore them in the movies.

Doc Brown informed me just yesterday evening,

“You’ve come a long way, Batey. In another four weeks you might just kick this Covid 19 and go home!”

You know, people can protest ’til the cows return. For me, getting out of this joint will be freedom enough to last a lifetime!