“Far less people give me the dirty eyeball than they do folks wheeling into handicapped spaces.”

Someone’s been calling our house the past two years and we’ve never picked up. Caller I.D. shows them to be from Senior Benefits. A couple of times I thought about answering yet never did.

A former co-worker claims that senior benefits is an oxymoron just like military intelligence. I suppose those two definitions fall in line with adult children.

Exactly what benefits do seniors have over others? That’s a fair question and one that I cannot totally answer. We do get perks at certain restaurants. A popular fast-food chain here in town gives me five percent off on coffee and drinks. I’m not complaining. Doing such allows me a bit more spending loot for other venues, such as feeding a gumball machine whenever I can find one.

I find no benefit in being a senior with all the aches and pains. Hair loss and vision impairment aren’t bonuses. Our seniority doesn’t mean anything where standing in lines is concerned. I suppose some younger folks falsely believe that having handicapped plates is a senior asset.

Older people get to legally park in handicapped zones only if they have a placard, so that doesn’t automatically qualify all of us geezers. I’d much rather walk to a store from the back of a parking lot anyway. Far less people give me the dirty eyeball than they do folks wheeling into handicapped spaces. I know those drivers are carefully being watched, to see if a pronounced limp is visible after exiting a car or truck. I’ve caught myself doing the same.

AARP on occasion sends my wife and I discount cards for various companies. Aging Adults Requiring Pills is what my friend Jeff claims the four letters stand for. In a magazine article about college students demonstrating for change in government leadership, I noticed the following AARP interpretation spray painted on a Washington D.C. building: Asinine Angry Repulsive People. I prefer my friend’s more humorous definition instead.

There’ll come a day when I’ll answer my phone just to find out what Senior Benefits wants. I’m sure it’ll be a young telemarketer trying to hard sell me on life insurance, funeral services, or a monogramed HurryCane. I’ll then put to good use a senior benefit that most of us aged folks keep close at hand. It’s called sudden loss of hearing.

“I’m sorry, you’ll have to speak up. I can’t hear you!”

“I can’t hear you!”

Author: michaeldexterhankins

ordinary average guy

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