A hundred bucks later, my tank’s full of gas.
Slapped on a credit card cause I ain’t got cash.
Livin’ on convenience store grub and diet pop.
My colon’s ready to burst with the restroom locked.
*****
Out on the road with nothin’ but a wing and a prayer.
The Goodyears are bald, yet they still hold air.
The girlfriend was insistent that “Duke” and I hit the trail.
Diana stayed home to paint her toes and nails.
*****
My Boxer’s good company and is man’s best friend.
The poor mutt, however, ate chili from a garbage can.
Tootin’ and poopin’ in my Subaru back seat.
We drove with windows down ‘til rain turned to sleet.
*****
Thankfully, Comfort Inn allowed pets to stay.
Pity whoever cleaned carpet the very next day.
I didn’t even take time to grab a hot shower.
Smell was so toxic, it would’ve wilted flowers.
*****
Our final destination was New Mexico.
Chose a camping spot just outside Texico.
For two days and nights, we roughed it together.
Lived in a cheap tent under inclement weather.
*****
On the drive home, two tires suddenly let go.
Took out both fenders when we left the road.
Ended up in a pasture with thirteen grazing cows.
Right next to a farmer’s rusty John Deere plow.
*****
Having no jack or spare, we sat and waited.
The wrecker never showed as I anticipated.
At some point, it came time to hitch a ride.
A man happened along, and he was sky high.
*****
Dog and I rode in the back of his old truck.
Bed was filled with beer cans and cemetery turf.
The fellow was a gravedigger with poor hearing.
Told me that stiffs were simply job security.
*****
After we’d left, my car burned to a crisp.
Subaru’s wiring shorted from hitting that fence.
“Duke” and I then thumbed it on to Santa Fe.
Spent the night at Motel 6 until half past eight.
*****
It was now ripe time to make a big decision.
Took my VISA card, headed to Capitol Lincoln.
With down payment, purchased a Navigator.
Chose that black beast over the white Aviator.
*****
When Diana finds out, she’ll probably flip.
Will regret having us take that camping trip.
No more frugalness for ole “Duke” and me.
From here on out, we’ll both travel in luxury!
I like to write junk... 