FAKE, SHAKE, ‘n BAKE

“One day when she was at work, I grabbed some Kellogg’s Corn Flakes and ground them up along with a concoction of various herbs and spices.”

Shake ‘n Bake

I remember when Shake ‘n Bake first came out. Mom tried it and we were hooked. Problem at the start, is that grocery stores couldn’t keep the stuff in stock. You rarely hear this name anymore. There are so many alternative coatings for meat.

After I married, my wife continued using the product. Her family grew up eating Shake ‘n Bake chicken just like mine. There was no way to mess up chicken if you used this product and carefully followed directions. Hey, even I can make Shake ‘n Bake.

Somewhere down the road, Joleen was given a recipe by a friend on how to mix up a batch of chicken coating from scratch. The main ingredient I recall was corn flakes. My wife frowned on trying it but I was game.

One day while she was at work, I grabbed some Kellogg’s Corn Flakes and ground them up along with a concoction of various herbs and spices. Succulent chicken breasts were rolled around in this exotic blend and popped into the oven.

Things might’ve turned out okay had the corn flakes not turned black within minutes. What wasn’t mentioned on the recipe was not to use corn flakes with a sugar coating. By the time my chicken was done the breasts were black as coal. We ate the birds by peeling off smoldering blankets of burnt topping.

I love Shake ‘n Bake chicken. There’s no better way to make it other than using the original product. Why fix something if it ain’t broke?

Fake ‘n Bake is something I was introduced to in Alaska. I’m a fair-skinned guy and turn red instead of tan. Joleen and I were going on a trip to Hawaii and someone recommended I spend a few hours in a tanning bed. This was years before the things were deemed hazardous.

I made an appointment at a tanning parlor close to our house. It was strange lying underneath what appeared to be a device for pressing clothes. At first I was claustrophobic yet eventually fell asleep.

When an employee shouted that my time was up, I crawled out expecting to see in the mirror a bronzed, Mr. Universe. Instead, I was red like a Jonathan apple. Ultraviolet light didn’t agree with my skin pigment. I flew to Hawaii looking and feeling sunburned way before hitting the beach.

Years later we made another trip to the Aloha State. This time a friend suggested I try some spray tan that’d just come on the market. The spray had an opposite effect. After rubbing it on my face and arms, I turned a soft orange hue.

My eye sockets remained pale as did palms and fingernail area. Photos of me on that trip are safely tucked away.

I’ve learned many important things over my 66 years and will share a couple:

“Shake ‘n Bake helps make chicken great!”

“Friends don’t let friends Fake ‘N Bake!”

Fake ‘n Bake

Author: michaeldexterhankins

ordinary average guy

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